January 2012
9 posts
Anonymous asked: The people want to know: what's your lawyering take on SOPA?
My Bachelor Rules
I’m not watching The Bachelor this year. Now that I’m a grownup with actual responsibilities like making copies and hole-punching those copies and putting those hole-punched copies in binders, I just don’t have the time to watch and recap it like I used to. Plus, I can’t steal my roommates’ jokes anymore so the recaps probably wouldn’t even be funny.
So in...
I Appreciate the Offer
On Friday night I went out to dinner a friend of mine, the inimitable Maxwell. (I really just wanted to use “inimitable” in a sentence. He’s not that great.) Afterwards, we parted ways. I went to my favorite place in the five boroughs, Upstate. I sat at the bar and made new friends, while downing oysters and beers. Well, it turns out that the beers they serve at Upstate are a...
ZZ Ward - Eleven Roses →
You should put this in your ears. I highly recommend “Overdue” and “Criminal”, to start.
Dating With Stalkers
Me: I guess you don't know me that well yet.
Girl: I know more about you than you think.
Me: Oh cool that wasn't creepy at all.
December 2011
9 posts
Merry Christmas
Brother: This box just vibrated.
Me: It must be for Mom.
“Timing is everything. Chemistry is something that you don’t just throw in...”
– Kevin Garnett
Super Smooth
Woman At Gym: See you later, muscles.
Man At Gym: They're not as big as yours! ...Ah, uh, I meant that in a good way.
“It’s difficult to take an “anti-faith” position. There’s...”
– Chuck Klosterman on Faith and Tim Tebow
November 2011
15 posts
New Normal
“Your father might be coming tonight.”
That settled two things. Since my parents filed for divorce a few weeks ago, I was wondering if what I’d seen about divorce on TV and in movies was accurate. (Not the parents-trying-to-outdo-each-other-in-competing-for-affection thing. I’m too old for that. Sadly.) One of the first signs a marriage was really over, according to pop...
The Internet Never Ceases to Amaze Me
I got home from my basketball game last night around 10:45. I was hoping to grab some Chipotle on my way back to my apartment, but it closed at 10. Apparently Steve Ells has never heard of that whole “City That Never Sleeps” thing. Maybe if he spent less time saying sentences that start with “Back when I was starting Chipotle…” he’d be more in tune with the...
High School Memories
Remember how there was a dance circle at every high school dance?
And in that dance circle, the kids who could breakdance would do so and everyone would go nuts, even though you probably went to a suburban high school and they weren’t really that good?
And then there was that kinda chubby white kid in your class who thought he was hilarious, and he would jump into the circle and flop...
“Ooooh, don’t you look handsome today.”
– The toothless old lady in my building that I see at 9 o’clock most mornings drinking a beer in the hallway.
So I have that going for me.
“Fall is what summer pretends to be, the best of seasons. Fall is as glorious as...”
– Gregg Easterbrook
I passed the bar.
Dating With Dummies
Her: So, like, what religion are you?
Me: I was raised Catholic, but I'm an atheist now.
Her: What is that again?
Me: It means I believe that god doesn't exist.
Her: Oh right. So, like, what sort of traditions and stuff do you have?
Me: What do you mean?
Her: You know, like, how do you practice that?
Me: ...You don't know what atheism is, do you?
October 2011
10 posts
Should I Get a Cat?
Female Friend: What're you up to this weekend?
Me: Date with [link to girl's photo] tonight and [link to girl's photo] tomorrow night.
Female Friend: I like that second one.
Me: It's actually my second date with her...she's not bad. She speaks a little slowly. Aaaaaaaaaaand this is why I'm single.
“When you turn on the TV, all you hear are the same pack of talking heads...”
– Charts: 6 Big Economic Myths, Debunked | Mother Jones (via newenglander)
7 tags
Why I Loved Her
She was happy and she was beautiful and she didn’t need makeup and she smiled easily, and she blushed easier, and she was brilliant and she was inquisitive and she was driven but she would have sacrificed a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for me and she laughed at me and she laughed at herself and she was silly but not too silly and she knew when to be serious but knew how to make me stop...
September 2011
8 posts
Romance and Exhibitionism
I’m sure you’ve all seen this video that’s been making rounds, in which a dude and his friends dance to a stupid Bruno Mars song in the middle of Disney and then the dude proposes to his girlfriend, who is so mortified that she can’t even take her hands away from her face, let alone take off her sunglasses. How fucking romantic, huh? God, I hope that I can’t see my...
All By Myself
This is the first time in my life that I’ve ever lived alone. It’s pretty fun, if a little lonely sometimes. I’ve noticed some things, both good and bad.
Good: No one steals my toothpaste/milk/cereal/fruit/etc.
Bad: There is no toothpaste/milk/cereal/fruit/etc for me to steal when I run out unexpectedly.
Good: There’s no one to judge me when I bring home an...
“One of the great forgotten facts about the United States is that not very long...”
– Malcolm Gladwell, The Nets and NBA Economics
Things That You Only Do Once
Misspell a partner’s name in an email to him.
Workout Goggles
Last week at the gym I saw a girl towards the end of my workout, and I thought she was pretty attractive. Tall, blonde, in great shape, cute-in-the-face.
I saw her again this morning, but this time she showed up before I’d really started lifting. She was still in great shape, but I either had some serious workout goggles going on last week or she got into some sort of disfiguring accident...
New York City
All moved in:
Of course, it helped a ton that I didn’t actually have to move any of the stuff that you see in this picture, nor does any of it belong to me. Sometimes when your older brother moves 3500 miles away there are really convenient fringe benefits, like taking over his apartment and not having to buy (or move) any furniture. I believe in the real estate industry they call it a...