Top 10 Top 10 Lists of 2009
10. Top 10 Internet Memes (#1 - Kanye) 9. Top 10 Always Sunny in Philadelphia Moments (#7 - Obscenely hot girls at “UPenn” frat party) 8. Top 10 Right-Wing Nutjobs (#2 - Glen Beck) 7. Top 10 Hot Girls (#1 - Blake Lively) 6. Top 10 Dumb Sayings (#3 - “It is what it is”) 5. Top 10 Celebrity Non-stories (#1-10 inclusive - Jon and Kate + 8) 4. Top 10 Sports Moments (#4 -...
I went to see Up In the Air with my family tonight. Enjoyable movie. A little scary because I’m pretty sure Clooney’s character is me in 20 years. But I digress. Fifteen minutes in, a cell phone started ringing. It rang for a few seconds and I began to think it was odd that no characters on the screen answered the phone or acknowledged the call. Then, a woman in front and to the...
The fact that 10 years ago were flipping out about “the Y2K bug” and I distinctly remember it makes me feel really old. 10 years.
Good one, pops
Tonight at the dinner table I was talking about Avatar with my mom and dad:
Dad: I read a review in the paper last week that said it wasn't that good.
Mom: You read a movie review in the newspaper?
Dad: It took me a long time, but I managed to sound out every word and get through it. At the end, it said "This movie was L-O-U-S-E-Y."
Me: (Quizzical look)
Thanks, Christopher Hitchens →
For saying everything I was thinking, and saying it more articulately than I could have.
If I got a text from you yesterday that said only “Merry Christmas! :)”, I assume that it was a mass text and we are no longer friends as a result.
My 18 year old cousin is pregnant
And had the following exchange with one of my aunts last night:
Aunt: Oh are you leaving already?
Aunt: Going home to wait for Santa?
Aunt: Santa doesn't come for pregnant teenagers.
Dear roommates, please never make fun of the way I do my hair ever again.
More Facebook fun
From my newsfeed today: “[Dumb Girl] slept with Tiger Woods :)” Wayyyyyy ahead of that joke, aren’t you?
I'm never having kids →
Make sure you have a proofreader
Girl on my Facebook newsfeed, regarding her 14 tattoos: “There so addicting!”
I have to say, I’ve really been enjoying the new “Friends of Friends” default setting on profile picture albums.
Mac and Dee buy bar in Jersey, opening in 6 weeks →
An email from my friend
who is about to take his Evidence final: “This obese girl beside me in my Evidence final has, on her desk: 1. a starbucks coffee 2. a big soccer mom insulated mug 3. a pepsi one 4. kleenex box 5. commercial flashcards 6. sunglasses 7. hand lotion or sunscreen 8. advil 9. halls cough drops 10. scarf 11. wallet 12. notebook 13. headphones 14. laptop 15. gum 16. outline 17. 2...
Great timing →
One of my roommates was flipping channels today and paused on Family Feud. The board said: Lawyer - 43 Politician - 23 Prostitute - 14 Stripper - 11 Drug Dealer - 9 The category was “Professions that will have a hard time getting into heaven”. The public holds drug dealers in higher esteem than lawyers. Wayyyyyyyy higher.
Every little bit helps
I just picked up a couple of practice exams from a printer in the law library and I saw 4 otherwise blank pieces of paper that said, printed across the top in bold font: “Scratch notes - your Lord is with you”
Stay away from Tiger, ladies.
Before Tiger: After Tiger:
So much for collegiality
Yesterday when time was called on my Corporations exam, I turned to a friend of mine who was sitting behind me and asked how she did. “Eh. Could have done better.” “Yeah…I really dropped the ball on that essay.” A kid sitting next to me, who was in my section last year but I barely speak to, smirked at me and said “Oh, did you miss that fiduciary duty class...
Just piling on
Brother: I really want to tell you what cologne I got you.
Me: You can wait.
Brother: It's a new scent. It's called Tiger Woods: Nut Butter.
Me: I don't want something that everyone wears.
Excellent piece on Tiger →
This could be a really really really awesome... →
I hope they kept diligent records of all the sexual favors performed on each recruit. The NCAA loves records.
Did you steal Tiger Woods’ phone and send text messages from it?– Roommate
From my study guide: “Hannibal Lechter Foods, Inc. a privately-held company, makes a popular meal extender for cannibals, ‘Manburger Helper’ (‘…when you need a helping hand’)….” Booooo, Steven Emanuel, boooo. Take your bad puns somewhere else, boooo.
Now I'm starting to feel bad for Tiger →
(via handstoyourself) Feel bad for him? He sounds CRAZY.
I really thought it was Monday today. Reallllllllllllly did. Not sure how that happened. My first exam is on Friday. Whoops.
Let the Bad Tiger Jokes Begin:
handstoyourself: Tiger’s new movie is out: Crouching Tiger, Hidden Hydrant. Apparently the police asked Tiger’s wife how many times she hit him. She said “I don’t know exactly but put me down for a 5.” Tiger Woods is so rich that he owns lots of expensive cars. Now he has a hole-in-one. What’s the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a ball 400 yards.. What were Tiger...
People get into cars or other toys. Sometimes people have two or three houses. ...– Professor
I Bet She Goes Rogue On The Weekends
According to the Brits that my brother works with, in the British homosexual community “going rogue” is slang for “unprotected anal sex”. I wonder if anyone has told Palin yet.