September 2009
50 posts
I would have been screwed. →
Actually, I would have not been screwed. Or at least not screwed nearly as often.
Cuts of Meat That Cannot Be Grilled and Eaten With...
Pork Shoulder
Me: My gums hurt.
Roommate: Well, that's karma from calling everyone gummy. You probably have gum cancer.
Is there a Bachelorette Party Police that patrols hotel hallways to ensure that every Bachelorette party has those straws with penises on the end?
I don’t get it. Those can’t possibly be funny for longer than 15 seconds, but I can’t remember the last time I saw pictures from a Bachelorette party where they weren’t present. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever...
Girls have the most interesting conversations
Girl 1: Oh my god, your hair is sooo long!
Girl 2: I know, it's been FOREVER since I got a haircut.
The Best Thing I've Ever Seen →
More Interview Fun
Me: Well, I was really surprised by how much drug use there was in my hometown.
Partner: Have you kicked the habit?
Me: No. Will that be a problem?
Partner: No, we have a drug-friendly culture here.
Me: Hypodermic bins in the bathrooms?
Partner: Of course.
Me: You just moved to the top of my list.
Having One Kidney Isn't A Handicap, CNN →
Oh, Law Students
Girl at Penn Law: Where did you go to undergrad?
Friend at Penn Law: Notre Dame.
Girl at Penn Law: You must have had to do REALLY well at a school like that to get in here.
“More than half my class applied to med school and more than half my class...”
– My intimidatingly brilliant Professor
Not That Surprising →
Given the video of him I posted a few months ago rapping at a drive through while clearly high as hell. He doesn’t seem to make the best decisions.
Friend who sent me the link: “I would love to know what was going through his head when he left the house with 3 guns. I mean…I can sort of understand 1, he’s from the hood and all. But 3, on a tricycle bike? That’s...
My Jurisdiction professor puts as much stock in Murphy’s Law as he does the Constitution.
Funny Cause It's True →
“Let’s do shots and grind.”
– Suze
“Dominique, you banged me, like right away, I hardly had to do anything. Tabatha...”
– Mac. Can you tell I’m excited for tonight?
“I hate listening to people’s dreams. It’s like flipping through a...”
– Dennis Reynolds
“Later dudes. S you in your As, don’t wear a C, and J all over your Bs.”
– Charlie Kelly
“Partership Changs”
“Traing”
“Diversty”...”
– Helpful notes written on the board by my professor who’s so awesome that he warned us on the first day of class that people are intimidated by him. I guess when you’re that sweet you don’t need to worry about spelling at a 5th grade level.
2 tags
I’m genuinely shocked that people over the age of 15 watch the VMAs.
Michael Jordan Is An Asshole →
Why is this news? Everyone knew this already. He’s the greatest player ever BECAUSE he’s a petty asshole who turned every slight, imagined or real, into a personal vendetta.
Overheard
Sorority Girl 1: Is Notre Dame in the Big 10?
Sorority Girl 2: No, because they used to be a private university.
I Hope This Doesn't Happen →
The gist of the article is that soon college education will happen almost entirely online, except for the very top tier of schools or schools with a big name brand. I don’t know if it will happen (employer issues, research program issues, kids fighting it), but I hope it doesn’t. And I don’t hope that it doesn’t happen because of the “going away to college and...
Terrible Law Student
Last year a US Supreme Court Justice gave a talk at our school. I was too hungover to go.
Today a different US Supreme Court Justice gave a talk at our school. I went to the gym instead.
I’m a terrible law student, and I think that’s a good thing.
Public Service Announcement
I’m going to teach you about the “Divide by 2 and add 7” Rule. I really thought that it was standard knowledge, but a few conversations I’ve had recently (consisting of someone asking me “Hey, excited for the freshmen this year?”) have shown otherwise.
Here’s how it works. Take your age and divide it by 2. Then add 7. That’s the youngest person...
NEVER DATE THE LESS HOT SISTER →
I’ve been preaching this policy for years.
And if you do happen to date and marry a less hot sister, DON’T TELL YOUR WIFE THAT HER SISTER IS HOTTER THAN SHE IS. The guy who wrote that letter is just making mistakes left and right.
Why does this stuff only happen to conservative... →
Palin's Still An Idiot →
I do, however, appreciate that she tries to capture that same down-to-earth, “Main Street”, everywoman tone in “her” writing that her supporters so love in “her” speech.
After watching Right America: Feeling Wronged, (choice quote: “What’s wrong with shooting moose and riding snowmobiles? I’ve been riding snowmobiles since ‘72.” ...
2L > 1L
If only because I get to pick my own classes, which resulted in no class after noon on Tuesdays and no class at all on Thursday and Friday. This is going to be a great, great semester.
Today I napped, played a few games of ping pong on the table we put in our basement, and am now watching a movie. Law school is awesome.
Last Night, She Said
A drunk sorority girl walks over to me and two of my friends.
DSG: What's your beef?
Me: What?
DSG: Why do you keep staring at me?
Me: You're just so hot, I can't stop myself from checking you out.
DSG: Then why do you look angry, like you're talking shit about me?
Me: No no no, those are my seductive eyes.
DSG: (storms off)
Sitting on the plane right now and the guy in front of me just asked for a blanket. I punched him in the face and took his man card.
Highlight of my Trip
One of the firms I interviewed with is in the same building as a major fashion magazine. In the 3 total minutes I spent in the lobby, I saw at least 5 tall, gorgeous girls. The two associates I went to lunch with confirmed it as the best perk of the job.
In close second: discovering that there’s enough room in the back seat of a town car to comfortably pull off the heel-on-knee leg cross.
“Try not to argue with partners. Good luck.”
– Mom
Don't Argue With Hiring Partners
HP: Well, that about wraps it up. You have any more questions?
Me: Yeah, I wasn't told yet who I'm going to lunch with.
HP: It doesn't look like you're scheduled for a lunch.
Me: Really? I thought I was told I was going on one.
HP: I don't think so. We can go ask recruiting if you want.
Me: Sure, I guess. I just really thought I was told that.
(walk to recruiting, ask recruiting)
Recruiting: Nope.
Me: Oh, that's totally fine...I'm not even hungry yet.
I Caved
I did it. I’m a sheep. I gave in. I did what everyone else is doing. I followed the crowd. Jumped off a bridge, if you will.
I got a Blackberry.
And it’s awesome.
