Just a Heads Up
The US Hockey Team can’t see your Facebook status message.
I’m at the airport right now for the first leg of today’s trip. While going through security, my shoes were selected for “additional screening”. I know it’s part of his job description, but I feel bad for the poor motherfucker who had to screen my 5 year old gym shoes.
Got last minute tickets to tonight’s Fun. show. I’m going to drink so many PBRs. (Is that right?)
I Love Traveling
I have 3 books (Ground Zero, Can I Keep My Jersey?, and The Book of Air and Shadows), Season 2 of The Wire, and about 15 assorted podcasts. I will not be lacking for media on this trip.
Are you a sex addict? →
That “Jack Rogers” guy just sounds like he’s bragging.
I’m developing a hunchback from tucking my head down while walking into driving snow. Gotta love Michigan winters. Fortunately, I’m leaving Friday to go on Spring Break…in a place that’s colder and snowier. But it has huge mountains and I’ll be wearing snowboarding goggles most of the time, so it will be quite a bit more fun than squinting while walking to class.
A concise explanation of the Iraq War.
Bachelor Thoughts, Pre-Finale Pre-Final-Reunion...
First, I’m sorry this is late. I had to watch UConn play themselves back into tournament contention. UCONN! HUSKIES! Second, I’d like to say I fucking hate these shows. Especially the pre-finale ones. We get it ABC, The Bachelor is your only moneymaker. Stop drawing it out. I’m really looking forward to the 20 minutes of new footage we’ll see tonight. Thank god for...
This has been tremendously tremendous.– Perfect example of why the NHL should split into two divisions, an American one and a Canadian one. 10-12 teams per, and an America v. Canada Stanley Cup. Ratings bonanza. (Idea Credit - Bill Simmons, Quote Credit - Some Canadian Announcer Dude)
A man must have a code.– Bunk Moreland. I finally started watching The Wire this week. Needless to say, I’ve been even less productive than usual (which is saying a lot). On the bright side, I’ll definitely finish all five seasons before it’s time to start studying for finals. Now if you’ll...
(hanging out in the living room while a roommate plays Modern Warfare 2 online):
Roommate 1: God I am just terrible today. I couldn't hit the broad side of a barn.
Roommate 2: You could if someone was standing in front of it.
If Karma was real, I’d be dead.– Me
People in relationships are happiest, says... →
People in Facebook relationships post the most obnoxious statuses, says me.
Why is Alec Baldwin giving marriage advice? Is Rosie O’Donnell going to be a trainer on the next season of The Biggest Loser?
newenglander: sweatshorts: are you watching the bachelor? me: no, i’m at a concert sweatshorts: lame To be fair, I’d be willing to bet that you were at a shitty country concert. So it is lame.
Bachelor Thoughts, Week 7
Big week. I’m excited to discover more reasons to hate Vienna and see tons of shots of Jake shirtless on the beach. Why is Ali in a hotel? Didn’t she quit the show and go back to work? If she quit why did they send a cameraman with her to film her staring wistfully at pictures of Jake with the Golden Gate Bridge in the background? This is really contrived, even for The Bachelor. ...
My classtime entertainment →
Olympians are world-class athletes who are in incredible physical shape…except Lugers. They’re fat.
Me: We just left dinner.
Mom: What? Why? What happened?
Me: We finished eating?
(watching my roommate play Fifa '10)
Me: You make the exact same motion every time you miss.
Roommate: Yeah, well, I'm always exacerbated.
Roommate: Yes, it's a word.
Me: You're always...made it worse?
Roommate: I didn't say I used it correctly, did I?
God's Wrath is Upon Us
Yesterday morning I was walking to school with one of my roommates. At the intersection outside of our house, there was a car in the left turn lane with its left blinker on. The car was empty. At first I thought the driver was just bending down trying to fish something out of the passenger side footwell, but further investigation revealed that the there was just no one in the car. My roommate...
Bachelor Thoughts, Week 6
Gia: “I’ve never dated someone like Jake…I usually date really rich guys. I hope ABC continues to finance our dating life when this show is over, cause I have expensive taste.” Gia: “You tell me what you want, do you want sexy, cute…?” Jake: “SEXY! SEXYSEXYSEXY!” Given her mother and her brother’s accents, Gia must go to great lengths to...
It looks like having a corpse for a coach finally came back to haunt the Colts. *rimshot*
Facebook is a Prestige Whore
Are they rolling out the new layout in order of undergrad prestige again? All of my roommates have it and I don’t. Mark Zuckerberg is an elitist asshole.
That whole wear-something-nice-when-you’re-sick-so-you-feel-better-thing? It’s bullshit.
My Flu Game will not be replacing Jordan’s Flu Game in the vernacular anytime soon.
It seems like manners just go out the window when people see a guy with an orange face walking down the street. DIDN’T YOUR PARENTS TEACH YOU NOT TO STARE?!
Bachelor Thoughts, Week 5
Jake got that black ribbed turtleneck from my freshman-year-of-high-school closet. Ali: “Want me to leave?” Vienna: “Yes.” Ali: “Fuck you, I’m not leaving, let’s fight.” Jake: “I don’t mean to keep bringing it up, but we haven’t talked about your divorce in 15 minutes. Let’s.” Tenley: “If I have one regret,...