Are you kidding, Mr. President? →
More drilling and nothing about nuclear power? Surely you jest.
Amazing but not typical share for open minded... →
Dude seems totally normal. I’d go for it if I were you, ladies.
I'm the weird one?
I was talking to my roommate about sending in our sublet agreement/security deposit/first month’s rent for our summer sublet (a pretty sweet place at 24th and 6th in the city) and he asked if I needed stamps. This is how the conversation went: Roommate: Do you need a stamp? Me: Yeah, sure. Roommate: (Pulls out wallet and takes out two stamps). Me: Wait, you keep stamps in your wallet?...
You’re always right. It’s kind of annoying.– Roommate’s Girlfriend, to me. To be fair, it was shortly after she started a fire in our kitchen, so she probably wasn’t being all too careful about what she was saying.
Reasons I'm Excited for Summer
The Central Park Lawyer’s Softball League
Living on the west coast is awesome for sports
newenglander: I hate when major networks throw up the figurative “eff you” in the form of primetime sports starting at 9:57. For all the people on the east coast aged 18-22, enjoy the game! Don’t forget about those of us in grad school! We get to watch it too!
Overheard in Law School
“If we publish four articles from Hebrew University, academia won’t take us seriously.” Really? Who are these people who apparently sit around and read and citecheck every article in every journal from every law school in the country? I keep hearing about them, but I find it hard to believe that they actually exist.
First Listen: MGMT's 'Congratulations' →
New Karaoke Rules
These rules will help keep the audience engaged and keep the Karaoke moving. And prevent me from “Boooooo”-ing every other performer like I did last night. 1. You’re not allowed to sing if you’re both tone deaf and sober. If you’re tone deaf, your BAC has to be above the legal limit to be allowed on stage. 2. No songs longer than 4 minutes. No exceptions....
Speaking of Advertising
What’s with the new racist Jimmy John’s commercials? A conference room full of Asian businessmen who are watching anime and can’t speak English? A Hispanic family with 12 unruly children and a horny mother? To what demographic do these commercials appeal?
I’ve watched approximately 20 hours of basketball over the course of the last two days. I’ve seen approximately 58 commercials for the Taco Bell Shrimp Taco. At 10 o’clock tonight, I cracked. I went to the nearest Taco Bell and ordered one. It tasted relatively good and I’m not sick yet so I’m calling it a win.
This is the biggest non-story I’ve ever seen. An elderly woman takes a picture of a possibly human shaped blob that she didn’t even think was a skeleton at the time somewhere off the coast of Aruba and gets on TV? Someone please get Nancy Grace off the air.
You know what it looks like? You know when a girl shaves into a landing strip,...– Friend, regarding my facial hair (Sorry Mom)
Bag of Hair
The Law School Facial Hair Competition was today. My roommate won a large bag (we’re talking the size of a big beach ball) of human hair for his entry, “The Jewish Turtleneck”. My entry, “The Conquistador”, was marred by an extremely awkward interaction with the panel of judges, comprised of four bearded professors, that went something like this: Judge: “When...
A list of texts Tiger Woods sent to one of his... →
thejerkstore: I think my favorite is “Have you ever had a golden shower done to you” What is your favorite? Mine is probably: “I hope not. So you have been with others huh since”. She’s a porn star Tiger…it’s her JOB to “be with others”. Another one that’s in the running as I continue to read: “Great thing is we have a life time of...
It hit 60 degrees for the first time all year...
So I took a two hour nap. Law school is hard.
Is green beer just green or do they have to dye it that way?– Female Friend
One of my favorite ways to waste time in early March is to read all the news articles on the drop in productivity caused by March Madness.
Spring Break 2K10!!
Friend: I have a black eye from spring break.
Me: Go on.
Friend: I got punched by a bouncer at Senor Frogs...for trying to have sex in a foam party...with my college roommate's little sister.
Me: You're nothing if not a nice guy.
Friend: That was the first night. I didn't go out after that. Later I slept on the beach with that girl and got at least 100 insect bites all over my body. I'm now on antibiotics.
Me: Sounds like you had a good trip.
Nowadays, whenever a couple says they met “through friends” it means they met “on match.com”.
Last night I was walking home from the bar with two of my roommates, one of their girlfriends and two of my roommate’s friends from home. As we were walking, we saw a girl on the sidewalk of a very busy street popping a squat while eating a falafel. A girl peeing on a heavily trafficked sidewalk while eating Middle Eastern food would have been funny/disgusting enough for me…then one...
Law School Sucks, vol. 3142
We have to have two makeup classes for Evidence. Our professor scheduled them for Friday at 1PM. After he announced that, a girl raised her hand and asked, “Can you make them earlier so they don’t break up the day so much?” Yeah, let’s have them at 8AM on Friday so we don’t ruin your leisurely lunch. Brilliant idea.
Lebron Tests Positive for Steroids →
My professor keeps saying “For the longest time”, and I keep thinking “bum bum bum WHOA-OH-OH-OH”.
First Chicago Experience
I spent the last 4 days of my spring break in Chicago, my first visit to the city since infancy (mine, not Chicago’s). Hot dogs: Excellent, especially this place. My favorite part of Chicago. But, they’re not ubiquitous enough. There should be a hot dog place on every corner. You never have to walk more than two blocks for pizza in NYC. Pizza: Eh. I can see why people like it,...
A bunch of hipsters ironically singing Backstreet Boys is just as annoying as a bunch of bros drunkenly chanting their Greek letters.
You realize we haven’t been in a Big East title game since 2004? I was a...– Friend, while discussing the UConn season
One of the best things about going on spring break in the mountains is that you can blame morning headaches on the altitude and not the two hours of Quarters you played the night before.
Bachelor Thoughts, Finale
I tuned in when Vienna and Jake were at some Hot Springs or something. Gimme a break, I’m on vacation. When Vienna wrote “I Love You” on Jake’s chest, he looked down then looked at her quizzically. He couldn’t read it. She looks really terrible without makeup on. You can’t marry a woman who looks bad in the morning. You have to wake up to that shit every...
There were two reasons that none of planned on skiing yesterday: the USA-Canada game and to ensure we recovered from a full day on the slopes on Saturday. I managed to come out unscathed, but my older brother wasn’t so lucky - he broke his wrist, the third time he’s done so while skiing. As such, we planned on having a big night Saturday because we’d have a day to nurse our...