On Saturday I watched the USA-Ghana game along with 5% of America (incredibly poor showing, really). When Benny Feilhaber was subbed in at halftime and they popped up his vital stats, I noticed that he was 25, 5’9”, and born in Brazil.
Weird, I thought. I used to play on Beachside with a short Brazilian kid named Benny. And he was always the best kid on the field, by far.
I got home after the incredibly disappointing and mostly poorly-played loss, googled my old club name, and discovered the Alumni Page. I scrolled down to my team’s year and sure enough, Benny was on the list. I looked for the rest of the guys I used to play with. Zack, always the second best on the field, went on to play at Princeton. A couple guys now play professionally. I haven’t played at a high level since age 12. ”A high level” and “age 12” might sound ridiculous, but trust me, we were good.
I quit competitive soccer after my year with Beachside. It wasn’t the sport. I loved and still love soccer. It wasn’t quite the club either. The club was great. We didn’t lose a single game in the fall, winter, or spring. We consistently won games 8-0 and 10-0. The problem was that I split time at keeper and was never allowed to play another position. Winning games by 8 or 10 or 12 goals is a blast when you’re a midfielder or a striker. When you’re a keeper, however, and the other team’s sole shot on goal is a dribbler from 20 yards that anyone in the world except Robert Green could save, and that shot might not even be in the half that you play, well…that’s boring as shit, especially for a 12 year old, and I don’t blame 12 year old me for not wanting to play anymore.
I’ve often wondered how my life would be different had I not quit. Seeing a former teammate play on the biggest stage in the world while I shuffle papers at a desk is a little depressing. On the bright side, I can now tell people that, if I hadn’t quit soccer when I was 12, I might have played in the World Cup.
Are you going to do a commentary/review of this season's the Bachelorette like you did for the Bachelor? I was a huge fan of that, it was hilarious. And it looks like this season is going to be pretty easy to make fun of.. (as always).
First off, thanks for the kind words, I appreciate them. It was hard to constantly steal my roommates’ jokes last season and pass them off as my own. Just kidding that was really easy.
I’ve never watched The Bachelorette. I prefer The Bachelor for two reasons:
1. Eye candy. Duh.
2. Call me a stereotyper, but I think girls have a tendency to be more…dramatic than guys.
I feel like my Bachelorette commentary would just be a series of “this guy’s not funny, this guy’s boring, this guy’s a closeted homo” jokes. (I’m using “jokes” liberally here.) No one wants to read that.
I did, however, look at the photos of the guys. Let’s just say that Ali didn’t manage to pull the most attractive set of suitors I’ve ever seen. Poor girl.
My roommate has decided that he wants to lift weights with me this summer and get in better shape. It's not the first time he's had this resolution, but he seems a little more determined this time. We were talking while working out yesterday morning.
Roommate:I should probably start eating more protein, huh?
Me (mid-deadlift):FUCK. I forgot my protein shake.
Roommate:Wow. That's the bro-iest thing I've ever heard.
It’s never a good sign when, while asleep the night after your second day of work, your dream includes you removing yourself from a party to borrow a laptop, sit in the corner, and check your email remotely.
Orientation meetings all day, bisected by a fancy lunch, then happy hour with some associates, then ran into an associate I met at lunch on the street and got a drink with him. Basically, I ate and drank on the firm all day. Here’s to hoping the rest of the summer will be exactly like that.
Today I saw a woman on the subway who went to her doctor with a similar request, but instead of a photo of Jennifer Aniston or Britney Spears, brought a picture of Neytiri.
Same huge lips, same unnaturally protrusive cheekbones, same strong chin. But instead of being blue, she was spray-tan orange. I was rude. I stared. I couldn’t help it. I’m sorry mom, I know you raised me better than that.
Last night was the second time since I moved to the city that I’ve put into action my “No-No Policy”. That is, this summer I’m not saying no to anything that I can conceivably do. I have 12 weeks in NYC and they’re going to be good fucking weeks.
Tuesday night I went to a Mets game, even though baseball is my fourth favorite major sport (basketball, football and beach volleyball come before it) and it was 45 degrees and rainy in mid-May. Last night I filled in for an old friend’s work softball team, even though she called me 15 minutes before the game started and I got there a half hour late and played a total of a half inning.
Afterwards I went for drinks with her and her teammates, which might have something to do with why, when I was heading home, I got on the subway going the wrong way. I realized it as soon as I stepped on but was too embarrassed to get back off. I got off a stop later with a "Of course I wanted to get on the F train just to ride four blocks. Why wouldn’t I?" look on my face.
Hopefully the rest of my adventures this summer won’t result in me being secretly shamed and feeling like a tourist.
“We’re putting our brains into neutral, and revving the engine. We’re digitally dithering, clicking on links and swimming through a torrent of useless garbage being thrown at us by idiots and self-promoters, pundits and PR flacks and marketing people. We’re immersing ourselves in games like Farmville and Mafia Wars, obsessing about earning energy packs, spending billions of dollars on virtual gardening tools. We’re turning the world around us into a videogame, using sites like Foursquare to tell our friends where we’re eating lunch, and competing to see who can become “mayor” of some restaurant.
Meanwhile, in the midst of all this, Glenn Beck has become an influential television commentator, and Sarah Palin is a credible candidate for president in 2012. You think this is a coincidence? No way. What’s happening is this: we are being so overwhelmed by the noise and junk zooming past us that we’re becoming immune to it. We’ve become a nation of Internet-powered imbeciles, with an ever-lower threshold for inanity.”
I’m pretty sure the geezers said this about the telephone when it was invented. And the television. And the internet. Shit, elder cavemen probably said it about fire.
People aren’t getting dumber because there’s more information to consume, they’re getting dumber because they choose to consume either information that is completely worthless (Mafia Wars, reality TV, celebrity “news”) or information that reinforces viewpoints they already hold.
Two weeks ago I was at my parents’ home in CT for a Thursday night before heading up to Tuckerman’s Ravine in NH to ski. At 12:30am, after I thought everyone else was very asleep, I came out of the back TV room (taking a break from a Law & Order SVU Marathon, I think). I saw my youngest brother with a screwdriver in hand, elbow deep into the cabinets. When I asked him what he was doing, he told me the loose handles on the drawers and cabinets had been driving him nuts for a long time and that he’d finally had enough. He proceeded to tighten every screw in the kitchen. In his boxers. I think he does meth.
Are you looking forward to being admired at the gym in Chelsea?
I do enjoy being admired.
But, on the advice of a gay friend who lived in NY for a few years, I’ll be going to a gym in Midtown. I’m going to miss being admired, but I won’t miss…everything else that happens at gyms in Chelsea.
I guess Charlie Crist is a Republican, so that statement is technically correct, but he’s a pretty moderate one. ”Obama is the opposite of the Governor of Florida” is kind of a weird political stance though.
What are you most looking forward to while living in NYC, on your off time of course?
Assuming that I do have downtime (cue whine about working too much), I’m probably most looking forward to playing with my camera and exploring parts of the city where I haven’t spent much time.
I’m excited to live in Chelsea, which is a place where I’ve spent no time at all, and I like that pretty much everywhere except the Upper East (where I’ve spent enough time anyway) is easily accessible by subway. I’m pumped for the Lawyer’s Softball League, I’m pumped for the social events that my firm will be putting on, I’m looking forward to hanging out with friends that I haven’t seen in a long time and my law school friends who will be in the city and spending some time with my older brother who also lives in Manhattan.
Yes, I know I sound like a 14 year old girl about to go to her first Justin Bieber concert. But I realized the other night that this will be the first summer that I haven’t lived at home, so I’m ok with that.