“If 9/11 happens there again, I want to be the first to die. Muslims want to stand right there, to say that we are here. It’s my duty as an American Muslim to stand between you, the American non-Muslim, and the radicals who are trying to attack you.”—Imam Feisal Abdul Rauf
My girlfriend and I are currently engaged in a disagreement. She bought me an expensive lens for my camera for my birthday, and I want to buy her a similarly expensive gift for her upcoming birthday. (The gift I want to buy her is awesome and she would love it.) She claims that she absolutely does not want a similarly expensive gift, and she’s not one of those annoying girls who says shit she doesn’t mean so I know she’s serious.
My position that she set the bar with her gift and there is a relationship rule that says I have to buy her one that is as or more expensive.
This is almost an easier game of Kill/Fuck/Marry than Vienna/Gia/Tenley was.
Kill: Nick Carter. In a heartbeat. He has a “tribal” armband tattoo around his bicep and he dated Paris Hilton. Actually, it wouldn’t be a bad idea if we just killed every male who possessed either of these two qualities. White dudes with tribal tattoos and Paris Hilton’s exes. The average IQ in LA goes up 6 points the day we do that. Done and done.
Fuck: Lance Bass, aka “the gay dude from NSYNC”. If I had to fuck a dude, I might as well choose the one who knows what he’s doing, right?
Marry: Justin Timberlake. If I were his husband I might be able to convince him to stop trying to act and record a new album. IT’S BEEN FOUR YEARS, JUSTIN.
Do overalls fall into the "rompers/onesies/jumpers" category? Have you ever worn overalls?
Yes they do. Overalls look terrible on girls. All girls. Even models. Why not just wear a burlap sack with straps? Same effect.
As for myself, I distinctly remember getting a pair of overalls when I was 12 or 13 because I saw them in a movie or on a Backstreet Boy or something I thought they looked cool. I put them on and went into the bathroom to check myself out because I never had a mirror in my room growing up. (I guess my parents knew how vain I would be and didn’t want to encourage me. I’m now thankful that they saved me from an adolescence full of myspace-mirror pictures.)
I looked like an idiot and I never put them on again. I wish everyone could be as self-aware as I was at 13.
Anonymous asked: "This morning, when I was brushing my teeth, I (rather inexplicably) remembered about the Pop Your Pockets movement (circa 2004). Would you mind talking a little about the rise and fall of this ideology?"
Would I mind? I’ve been waiting for this question since I started my blog!
The Pop Your Pockets movement was a lot like Amy Winehouse: it burned hot and fast to much critical acclaim, then disappeared and was never heard from again.
At the end of my freshman year of college, just as the popped collar trend was hitting its peak, my college roommate and I devised a counter-movement that took the world by storm. All the explanation you need is right here on the still-standing Pop Your Pockets Facebook group page, which has become virtual tombstone of a fashion craze.
Unfortunately, my roommate and I lacked the prognosticatory skills of the Mayans and Nostradamus and the trend become mainstream in a much shorter timespan than the three years we predicted. After receiving write-ups in the school newspaper and being propositioned by strange, gorgeous women who I don’t think weren’t even college students but probably were high-fashion models in town for a photoshoot or something, we were forced to jump off the bandwagon in a matter of weeks lest we be associated with the late-coming poseurs.
As with any trend, once the founders disavowed it, it quickly lost steam. There is no doubt in my mind that it will be popular again in 30-50 years, much like the recent resurgence in girls wearing rompers/onesies/jumpers.
Which brings me to the ultimate purpose of this post: girls, stop wearing rompers/onesies/jumpers. They’re fucking ugly.
“People have a constitutional right to burn a Koran if they want to, but doing so is insensitive and an unnecessary provocation – much like building a mosque at Ground Zero.”
One sentence later:
”It will feed the fire of caustic rhetoric and appear as nothing more than mean-spirited religious intolerance.”
First, thank you for speaking out against the Koran burning. Credit where credit is due.
Now, do you not see how those two sentences are completely incompatible and contradictory? It’s fine to say that Muslims aren’t allowed to practice their religion in a certain neighborhood, but burning their holy book is somehow unacceptable? Why is one form of “caustic rhetoric” and “religious intolerance” acceptable while another is not? Please explain.
I went to an all-boys private school a half hour from my town for middle school, then to my town’s public high school. As a result, not only did I not fit into any of the high school cliques, but I didn’t know shit about how to interact with girls. In other words, I was really cool. Fortunately, my first girlfriend also taught me my first lesson about girls.
About a month into school this girl expressed her desire to date me. She wasn’t really “smart” or “funny” or “interesting”, but she was cute and I was 14. That’s pretty much the entire analysis at that age.
We dated (and by “dated” I mean “made out in the hallway after lunch”) for maybe a month or six weeks before she told me on the phone one night that she was in love with me. I didn’t know what to do. I certainly didn’t love her. I probably didn’t even like her that much. I just didn’t say it back, then when we got off the phone I wrote her a note (God, I wrote the shit out of notes back then. Do kids in high school still pass notes? Or do they just text now? Losers.) to give her the next day. I only remember one sentence from the note, but I remember it verbatim:
[Platitudes I don’t remember.] I love my family, I love basketball, I love pizza, but I don’t love you. [Platitudes I don’t remember.]”
She was furious, and she broke up with me and told everyone she knew what an asshole I was. That’s when I learned that most of the time, girls don’t actually appreciate honesty.
To all the girls I lied to from ages 14-24: it’s Kim’s fault.