On Empty Calories
The calories in alcohol are not “empty” calories. They’re “gettin’ drunk” calories. They are perhaps the second most important type of calorie, right behind “stayin’ alive” calories. The calories in the pint of Ben & Jerry’s Half Baked that I eat in one sitting even though I’m not hungry because there’s nothing on TV on...
I’ve been on the job market with an Ivy League degree. Trust me, people...– Guy at the gym talking to his friends about the job market. Classic weight-room conversation.
I just wanted to stay away a little bit, let things cool, let the smoke clear.– Former UConn player Jamal Coombs-McDaniel, after his arrest for possession of marijuana
I’m not the only person who skins a mango and then eats it like an apple, right? Anyone?
On Being Humbled
I’ve always considered myself to be a pretty smart kid, albeit a little bit lazy. I did well on standardized tests and well enough in school. Plus, due to my love of reading, I have a shallow knowledge of a ton of subjects, which makes me a great cocktail-party conversationalist. Law school hasn’t much changed the way that I see myself (please, like that would happen), but being...
singleinchicago-deactivated2012 asked: You mentioned you have a job. Where? Whatcha doin?
She was suffering because she saw me suffering. And I was suffering because I...– Pau Gasol on the rumors that his girlfriend and Vanessa Bryant, Kobe’s wife, had a disagreement. IT’S SO HARD TO BE A MULTI-MILLIONAIRE DATING A FITNESS MODEL. I move that we reserve the word “suffering” for things like starving to death or walking 10 miles every day to...
Vote for Me? →
I’m a finalist in the New Yorker Caption Contest this week (!!!). Given that I used to cut out my favorite cartoons from the magazine and save them when I was younger (I say this like I was a child, but it was three years ago), this is almost a bigger deal to me than graduating from law school. My entry is the middle one. If you happen to think that it’s the funniest, please vote...
I graduate from law school tomorrow. It’s difficult for me to actually put into words how proud of myself I am. Before I started law school, my college friends placed bets on when I would drop out. I don’t blame them. My first semester in college my GPA was a 2.2. In the epic, never-ending war between napping and schoolwork, napping won every single time. (Thank god law schools...
What, like it was hard?
It saddens me that death, whether of our own...